The Secrets of Women
by Berry Smoothie
Summary: When Lexi wakes up in the woods, she's sure she's been kidnapped. When she finds Charlene, a random stranger, things start to get confusing. And when they find the Fellowship, 2 unexpected romances blossom. Aragorn x OC, Legolas x OC, 10th &11th Walker.
1. Chapter 1

**The Secrets of Women**

_This is a Lord of the Rings fanfiction featuring the pretty over-used "friends fall into Middle Earth, join the quest to destroy the ring and fall in love with some Fellowship members on the way" plotline. I know it's about as far from original as it gets, but I just had to try it._

_Also, a special note for __**those who know their way around the series**__: I've never read the books, so I have lots of problems with geography and things like how long it takes to get from Point A to Point B and so on. So it would be awesome if I could get a __**beta**__, or else you'll just have to correct me constantly in the form of reviews._

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**Disclaimer**: This is a work of fanfiction featuring characters, storylines and places from Lord of the Rings, which belongs to Tolkien, not me. The rights to the movie go to their respective owners. This story exists for entertainment purposes only; I do not profit financially from it in any way.

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"**Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse," -Nick Romano, Knock on Any Door**

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**Chapter 1**

**The Secrets of Modern Times**

Alexis suddenly became aware that it was cold.

Her eyes were closed, and she had no real desire to open them. What day was it? Saturday, right? She really wasn't good with mornings. God, it was cold. Maybe it wasn't morning yet and she'd just kicked her nice, fluffy, _warm _blanket off during the night. If it weren't for the damned wind, it would probably be much cozier anyway.

Wait a second.

Wind.

At that point, her brain decided that the need to figure out what the hell was going on here overrode the need to fall back asleep again and her eyes opened.

Alexis closed them. Opened them again. When she still saw the same trees, she clamped them shut tightly, inhaled once and then ripped them wide open.

Still the trees.

Huh.

She drew herself up to a sitting position and examined her surroundings. Just more trees, if she was seeing this right, and that meant woods.

There were no woods surrounding her apartment. Actually, there were probably not any woods within a 50-mile radius of said apartment. Which really irked her, because why the crap wasn't she in her bed and instead out here in the wilderness?

Shit.

She'd been kidnapped.

Clearly, this was the only explanation that made any sense. She had hardly come out here on her own, especially since she had no memory of coming here in the first place.

In a matter of seconds, she was convinced this was what had happened to her.

Hell … she had no memory of being abducted – what kind of crap had they given her, those assholes? Drugs, obviously, anything from sleeping pills to the really freaky stuff. When she made it out of here, she was going to kill them. Destroy their lives. Drag their little asses before court and stick them in prison forever. Whoever they were, they had it coming, anyway.

But Step One in the whole process there was getting out of these damn woods. What were they always telling you about how to deal if you find yourself abducted? She watched enough crime shows, she had this down. First you were supposed to get your bearings, weren't you? Be all calm and shit.

Okay. Calmness, then. A few deep breaths later, Alexis decided she now had her bearings sufficiently collected and could move on. Next she should probably check herself over. Who knew what those asshole kidnappers had done to her? She didn't even want to think about it. But after a quick once-over she was surprised to find herself relatively intact. Sore, and pretty grimy, too, but okay.

That was nice. You were always supposed to stay positive during this kind of ordeal, weren't you? Find the silver lining and all that.

She thought she was doing pretty good so far. Stayed calm, even when confronted with the horrible possibilities of what her kidnappers could have done to her, that was positive.

Next she checked her supplies, if you could call them that. She was equipped with: one pair of jeans, currently adorning her legs, one dark green tanktop, currently occupying her torso, one pair of socks, on her feet, and one pair of black sneakers, also positioned on her feet. Nothing else, no bag, no nothing. Oh, wait, she had black dangly earrings in, and ten bucks in her pocket. Oh yeah, and the hair tie that was no longer really holding her messy bun together.

Fabulous. Like those would get her anywhere in this godforsaken place.

What was her next step? Probably to get up and take a look around. Surely the kidnappers had left something here.

Hold on. The kidnappers – where the hell were they? Her vast knowledge of crime shows was telling her that this was not standard procedure, this whole just-leave-the-abducted-person-all-alone thing.

What if she wasn't alone?

Panicked, she whipped around, looking in all directions.

Okay, she was alone. That much was clear now. But then something else occurred to her: somehow, the kidnappers had gotten her here. Kidnapper? Or plural, as in kidnappers? How many assholes were going to prison for this?

_Later_, she thought. Right now she had more important things to do. Trails to find. You couldn't drag a knocked-out 22 year old through woods without leaving at least as small trail. That's what the CSI guys were always talking about, right? Broken branches, trampled grass, blood droplets, that's what she was looking for. Okay, so maybe not blood, because as far as she could tell, she hadn't been bleeding recently, but still. It was time to pull a move worthy of its own NCIS episode. Or maybe Bones. Only there would be no bones to find, because she would fucking make it out of here. Cold Cases, then, perhaps, only this would not ever be a cold case because the people who did this would pay, and they would do so shortly after she found her way out of the woods and into a police station.

A closer inspection of the area she so unwillingly found herself in didn't tell her much. Woods, obviously, but Alexis couldn't identify the trees because her knowledge about plants in general was limited at best. She had been laying on a soft patch of dirt, between a large tree trunk and a sort of rocky terrain that had small plants with tiny leaves growing here and there. Feeling surreal, she reached over and touched them, not really expecting anything. They felt … normal, she guessed. Damn, she was bad at this.

Alexis stood and stretched her limbs before hunkering over to the first best tree she saw and giving it a solid examination. It told her nothing. But then again, it was probably unlikely that a _tree trunk_ had some sort of marks on it that told her that yeah, somebody had come by here recently. And so she turned her attention to the bushes that surrounded her.

She had been examining bushes for at least an hour when she gave up. A nagging little voice had been telling her she wouldn't find anything for the past 40 minutes, but she had been so goddamned determined to ignore it and find something, anything that would help her out because that was all she _wanted_ and why the hell her anyway? Finding a trail was supposed to be her way out of this stupid mass of trees because she had no other chance and what was she supposed to do now? This was hopeless, wasn't it?

A search for footprints yielded no results either. Not really surprising, though; she could hardly see her _own_ footprints in the dirt. It really was fucking hopeless.

Someone was going to die when she made it out of here.

Alexis knew full well that sooner or later, somebody was going to come back for her, and she had no intention of still being here when that happened. There really was no reason why she should stay, anyway, and so she picked a direction that seemed promising and started walking.

After some time, Alexis was pleased to note that the exercise had helped warm her up. She was less thrilled at the fact that she needed to pee. She very much doubted she would suddenly run into a Dixie toilet here somewhere, and grinding her teeth together, went to find herself a nice little spot.

_No toilet paper, either,_ she mused, worried about what she would do when she really had to go. Things to worry about later, she supposed, and after doing what needed to be done, resumed her nice little trek.

Where was she actually going, anyway? She had no real way of knowing where north was, because the sun seemed to be hanging around right in the middle of the sky. That trick with the moss she had read about online once wasn't much of a help either, seeing as the small amounts of moss here didn't really prefer any special side of the tree trunk it was growing on.

But it probably didn't matter. It wasn't like knowing if she was headed east or south or whatnot would help her make it out of here.

Where _were_ you supposed to go when it was just you and the woods? The answer popped in her head immediately: water. A second later, she realized she was thirsty.

_Fabulous, _she thought, and paused for a moment to think. Now, where would she find water? Somewhere downhill, obviously, only the terrain here was annoyingly flat. She listened hard, hoping to hear the tell-all sound of water rushing down rocks, but the only thing she heard were birdcalls and the wind. Did the direction of the wind tell you where water was? It didn't, right?

Damn.

Deciding it was time to stop and rest, Alexis sat down on a big-ish rock and drew her legs up. With a frown, she reached up to touch her honey brown hair. The bun it was in was falling apart entirely, and she absentmindedly pulled the hair tie out and ran her fingers through the knots. It ran down past her shoulders and was relatively straight – normally. Now, even without a mirror, she could tell it looked like hell.

_She _looked like hell.

Dirt everywhere, no makeup, and a quick whiff proved her suspicions true: she smelled.

With a frown, she quickly French-braided her hair and tossed the end over one shoulder. Trying to motivate herself, she hopped up from her rock. Alexis headed off, being sure not to go the way that she had come from.

It felt like hours later when she grew tired and hungry. The thirst was getting extremely annoying now, but there was nothing she could do. Even the dirt she stepped on was dry! Somewhat unwillingly, Alexis propped herself up against the trunk of a large tree and tried to close her eyes. The light in the woods was diminishing, and it was getting creepier by the second. She didn't want to think about the animals that probably roamed here in the night.

By the time the moon came out, she was dead tired, but still had her eyes open, warily searching the shadows for anything that might jump out. _Calm down, Lexi_, she thought to herself. _You'll make it through this one night, and by tomorrow the Search-and-Rescue teams will have started searching for you. It will all be okay. They'll have lots of water and food and warm blankets._

Shivering, she huddled up even more against the tree. This was easily the scariest thing that had ever happened to her. Often, just as she was telling herself it was okay to sleep now, she'd hear a noise and quietly freak out.

_I hate the woods, _she decided.

Sometime, her exhaustion must have caught up with her because when she blinked her eyes open, there was sunlight streaming down through the trees.

She felt like shit.

She was thirsty, hungry, cold and sore. Her feet hurt from yesterday's walking and her back was killing her because of her interesting sleeping position. Her throat was dry and felt parched. She was lonely and afraid.

Knowing full well that she had no other choice, she dragged her miserable self up and forced herself onwards. Judging by the sun, which probably had risen about two hours ago, she was currently southwards. Well, fine.

Her body fucking _hurt. _She kept getting thirstier, and as noon came and went, Alexis became afraid that she was going to die here, alone in the woods.

As soon as the thought came, she squashed it. She would make it out of here. She had to. She had people to kill – the people who had put her through this.

She had never been aware of the fact that somebody hated her so much that he (or she, Alexis reasoned) felt the need to kidnap her and dump her in the middle of fucking nowhere without any supplies.

How long had she been missing? Today, of course, and probably most of tomorrow. Sadly, she had no way of knowing what day it was. The last thing she could remember from before was going to bed on Tuesday. That meant, she hoped, that her friends had known something was wrong when she didn't show up at her college classes on Wednesday.

Okay. They would have tried to contact her, and when that didn't work, they would have called the police. The cops would be looking for her. It was all going to be okay.

Only she was fucking thirsty. She needed water, and she needed it now. Hell, she had needed it four hours ago! This was torture.

Torture she might die from.

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**Thank you for reading! Be sure to leave a review, and if you are interested, I am looking for a beta!  
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	2. Chapter 2

**The Secrets of Women**

**Disclaimer**: This is a work of fanfiction featuring characters, storylines and places from Lord of the Rings, which belongs to Tolkien, not me. The rights to the movie go to their respective owners. This story exists for entertainment purposes only; I do not profit financially from it in any way.

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"**There is a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot." –Steven Wright**

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**Chapter 2**

**The Secrets of Strangers**

_Thirsty, thirsty, I am so thirst-y, _sung Alexis in her mind. Like she had any sort of choice – her throat was so dry, she doubted she could talk. Man, life sucked.

_Life, life, oh how life sucks, doesn't life suck, oh yeah, life sucks, _she sung. Some part of her brain warned her that she was probably getting delirious. Well, that wasn't so bad, was it? _Was it? Oh, oh, was it? Is it? Is iiiiiiiit?_

It was probably due to the lack of water, the Rational Part Of Her Brain suspected. Nothing she could do about that, except keep walking. Which she was already fucking doing.

Had she ever mentioned how people were going to die when she made it back?

What was that? There, off to her right, there was some sort of ditch. Ditches were fun. _Ditches, ditches are so fu-un, aren't ditches fu-un, so fu-un… _Alexis stepped over to examine it.

_Whoa, people, hold your horses. Is that what I think it is? A riverbed?_

A dry riverbed, as a second glance proved, but she hoped that if she followed it upstream, she would find its source. Right? That was how water worked.

Oh God, water. What she would give for a little water. Just a glass – a droplet wouldn't exactly get her far, all she wanted was a glass. Or two. Or … an entire river.

She frowned and looked in both directions. The water had come from – there! It was a little bit higher there, she thought. With renewed vigor and high spirits, she followed the riverbed on and on and _on. _God, where was the fucking water? As she went, it seemed to get wider, though, and when she saw a water droplet all of the sudden, she was filled with euphoria. Well, first she had been convinced it was a hallucination, but after reaching out to touch it and feeling it on her fingertip, she was sold. Just 20 more minutes of walking and it had turned into a tiny stream, 30 more and it was wide enough that she could drink from it. Bending down and cupping her hands, Alexis drank until her stomach felt uncomfortably full.

Suddenly a thought struck her. Was this water safe to drink? She gave it a look. It sure seemed clean enough, but that didn't mean anything. Did it even matter at this point? She had already had too much – if it contained bacteria, she'd find out pretty quickly.

_Hey, look, I can think like a normal person again, _she mused.

Having nothing better to do, she kept on following her precious stream, now with a slower pace seeing as she wasn't dying of dehydration anymore. Her stomach was starting to hurt a little bit, but she hoped it would be okay. Maybe it was because her stomach was so full that it hurt. That's what it was. Hopefully. She would be really screwed if she got sick out here, huh?

A short time later, Alexis felt the need to relieve herself. And – damn it – she needed to do more than just pee. Grimacing, she collected some stable looking leaves from the trees and went off to the side of the stream. When she came back, she thoroughly washed her hands.

Again, she resumed her hike, and when she stopped a few hours later, she was awfully tired. Why was she possessed by this freakish need to keep moving, anyway? She had her water source now; at this point he stream deserved to be called a small river. Suddenly Alexis felt the overwhelming urge to wash herself and her clothes. Then again, the clothes could wait; she needed them dry to keep herself warm this evening.

When she waded into the river, Alexis nearly got a shock. This was damn cold! Feeling very awake all of the sudden, she quickly cleaned the layers of dirt and grime off of herself as best as she could. Which was, admittedly, not all that good.

Deciding that hair-washing could wait until tomorrow, when the sun was out and there to warm her, Alexis nearly sprinted back onto the shore.

Later, when it was getting dark and she was propped up against yet another tree trying to sleep, she noticed just how damn hungry she was. That really was a problem she couldn't solve – was she expected to catch some rodent and then cook it over a fire she had no idea how to make? Hardly. And she wasn't taking her chances with the berries here, either.

Well, it was a problem for tomorrow. Right now, she was tired, and this night she fell asleep much earlier than the last one. She didn't dream at all, and that was probably good, because nightmares in the middle of the woods would be no fun.

In the morning, Alexis was once again confronted with her hunger. On the good side of things, however, she seemed healthy and so she deemed the water safe to drink. The 22 year old drank from the small river again, and happily noted that the water filled her stomach and almost tricked her into thinking she wasn't starving.

_Almost, _she grumbled to herself.

Carefully, she peeled off her shoes first, and then took her socks and dunked them into the river. Other than holding them underwater, she didn't know how to get them clean, and ended up rubbing them and squeezing them for awhile. When she decided they were as dirt-free and odor-free as they were going to get, she placed them on a rock she'd previously cleaned off. There, the sun shone on them, and they would hopefully dry within the hour.

Next up, jeans. She made sure to remove the money from the front pocket first – who knew what she could need it for? – and then spent a lot of time working the grime away. After that came her tank top, and when that too was on the Drying Rock, as she had dubbed it, and Alexis was standing there naked and painfully aware of the cold, she washed her hair, then spent a good half-hour trying to de-tangle it, with limited success. To keep her wet hair from dripping down her neck and making her freeze to death, she pulled it into a high bun. God, couldn't it be warmer?

And there she stood, looking and feeling ridiculous. It was cold. She was hungry. And sore. And annoyed. And hungry.

Drinking more water didn't help; it just made her have to pee again. Around noon, she had reached the point where she was willing to try one of the plants around here. She was examining the ground for edible-looking greenery when she spotted something that made her heart soar: clover.

Alexis knew for a fact that clover was edible, thanks to her Aunt Tess. Tess had gone through something of a crazy food phase a few years back and had insisted on "going back to natural foods", and had juiced grass from her own yard to have as a breakfast, thrown out things like yogurt and noodles, and _had once discovered a clover patch, harvested it and eaten it raw._ Alexis knew because her mom had told her the story over dinner once. Back then, she had been 17 years old and hadn't believed it, but the idea had been so weird that it stuck with her.

_Tess, I will love you forever, _she thought. When she made it out of here, Tess was getting a hug. After, of course, Alexis had killed the guys who had stuck her here in the first place.

Priorities, priorities.

Thanking the heavens for Aunt Tess and her strange ways, Alexis picked some of the clover, went back to her stream, washed it and ate it.

It tasted revolting.

Seriously, it was absolutely gross. But hunger was hunger, she supposed, and after the disgusting clover meal, the hunger was no more. Thankfully, because her plant knowledge was still extremely limited.

_Hmm, maybe when I get back I'll have gotten so used to clover that I just won't be able to stand my food without it. Lexi's secret spice: clover – found in your backyard and mine. Dump it on and in everything, clover is the only spice you'll ever use again!_

She laughed out loud, but quieted after a second because it felt so strange to be making noise when mostly everything was silent.

Still, she was ridiculously happy.

It really was a wonder what a little food could do for your spirits. Alexis spent the rest of the day in a fantastic mood, if you took into account the fact that this was her third day in the wilderness. The Search-and-Rescue guys would find her, this evening, probably, and then she could go home and impress everybody with her survival skills. This was a story she'd be telling her grandkids, not to mention the entire world. Maybe they'd cover her on ABC or Fox. _The girl who can survive in the wilderness, _she imagined. _That's me._

Life got even better when she found that her clothes had dried and she was able to put them on and feel nice and cozy and clean. Figuring now was the time for some more food, Alexis tried to find the clover patch again.

Where was the damn thing? Here and there she always saw a little bit of clover, but not really enough. Still, she picked it. There was no wasting "food" when you were Survival Girl.

She must have wandered around for over an hour, and was getting afraid that she was lost, when she spotted something straight ahead of her. Something shiny. Something that was reflecting sunlight.

Something was _reflecting sunlight_. What the hell? These were the woods, there was nothing metallic hanging around. Wary, Alexis started moving quietly. She stayed low, and when she was closer, she was incredibly surprised to find that the metallic item was a smartphone. And not just a smartphone, but a smartphone in somebody's hand.

_Oh my fucking God I've stumbled onto my kidnapper's camp they're going to kill me I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm only 22 why do I have to die why did they have to kidnap me I'm going to kill them they fucking deserve to die who thy hell are they anyway not that I'm going to look or anything because oh my God what if they already know I'm here what if that person is there to distract me while the other kidnappers surround me like the velociraptors or whatever the hell they were called in the dinosaur movie Jurassic Park did to that one guy and why the hell am I thinking about movies when there are people trying to kill me and oh fuck don't move don't move don't MOVE!_

Needless to say, Alexis froze, and then felt ridiculous standing there, so she crept closer to the tree that was just off to the left. When she reached it, she hid behind it. What was she going to do?

First off: was she in immediate danger of being discovered? Trying her best to look (and feel) fearless, Alexis scanned the woods for human-like shapes. Suddenly, movement in her peripheral vision caught her eye, and her breath hitched. But it was only a bird.

Thank God.

Gulping her fear down, Alexis slowly turned around and took a look at the Smartphone Person. This required her to move away from her protective tree, and so she hid herself behind a small bush instead. Damn thing had thorns, too. Just made her day fucking perfect, didn't it? She hoped the person, whoever they were, was really distracted. Wishing she had never decided to go clover-hunting, Alexis chanced a look at Smartphone Person.

Okay, no. No way in hell was _this _the person who had dragged her out of her apartment and into the wilderness. Forget it.

First off, Smartphone Person was really Smartphone Girl. Medium sized, normal weight, no real muscles to speak of, probably around her own age. Light blonde, shoulder length hair. Her eyes were light, as far as Alexis could tell, and her skin was pale. She had a light gray cardigan pulled over her shoulders – _unfair, _thought Alexis, _and I get to freeze my ass off_ – and what looked like a baby blue dress that reached her knees. So much for that.

Sure, somebody like this was totally capable of kidnapping a person. Still, no reason to walk over and introduce herself, she reasoned. Alexis wasn't about to start trusting random strangers she met in some woods she didn't want to be in. It wasn't like people were constantly hiking around here.

_Why are you here, Smartphone Girl?_ wondered Alexis. More importantly, who the fuck was here with her? For all she knew, this girl could be part of a bigger crew, and she was the one who seemed all innocent and trustworthy: she was the lure, so to speak.

Well, Alexis wasn't about to be lured. But she wasn't just going to leave, either; this person was currently her only lead in Mystery: Get Out Of The Woods And Figure Out Who The Hell Brought You There So You Can Bash Their Heads In.

Now the girl was moving a little, the ground she was sitting on (cross-legged, noted Alexis absentmindedly) was apparently not up to her comfort standards.

_Sucks for you_, thought Alexis with a smirk. _You deserve it, kidnapper bitch._ Because honestly, what else was the girl doing here? Exactly.

The girl shifted some more, and Alexis could see that she had earbuds plugged in. Listening to music, then, probably. That's why she hadn't heard her approach. It was for the best, anyway. Never alert the enemy to your presence.

A crinkling sound came from the Enemy Camp, as it was now named, and Alexis saw the girl open a bag of chips. _I want some_, thought Alexis. She was, after all, still hungry, and all she had in her hands was a little bit of unwashed clover. Life was so unfair. But maybe she could steal some chips later.

Oh, hell, what was she thinking? She couldn't risk getting caught just for the immense pleasure of eating some Lays. Death was considerably worse than going without junk food. But damn, life as Survivor Girl was so _hard _sometimes. She felt like she was on a diet and was only allowed to eat her salad, while watching the rest of the world consume their delicious calories. It was misery.

Misery that was going to go on, as it turned out.

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**Be sure to leave a review, and remember, I'm looking for a beta!**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Secrets of Women**

**Disclaimer**: This is a work of fanfiction featuring characters, storylines and places from Lord of the Rings, which belongs to Tolkien, not me. The rights to the movie go to their respective owners. This story exists for entertainment purposes only; I do not profit financially from it in any way.

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"**Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool." –Unknown**

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**Chapter 3**

**The Secrets of Technology**

The damn blonde chick didn't _do _anything, ever, as Alexis found out pretty soon. Hours of crouching, which had made her legs start to burn an eternity ago, just watching, always watching, for some sort of activity that never came. Oh sure, Smartphone Girl spent agonizing amounts of time listening to music on that damned phone of hers, and eating endless amounts of food, with more magically appearing from her bag _every fucking second_, food that Alexis wanted so badly, but other than that? Nope. Nada. Nothing.

To keep herself occupied, Alexis stared at the luxuries the other girl had at her disposal. A phone – a way out of here, and even if there was no reception, the music would cheer her up nicely. A bag – probably stuffed with things like tissues and hand cream and a comb. Little comforts. The enticing food – Alexis had had the last of her clover a long while ago, and there was nothing within an arm's reach of where she was sitting.

_The second Blondie here gets up and goes to pee, I'm stealing that shit, _she promised herself. She just couldn't look at it anymore with the knowledge that she couldn't have it. She had to have it. She _had to._

Alexis was pretty sure she was going crazy.

It wasn't unheard of, claimed Rational Half of Brain, in cases like hers. Or maybe the water had been poisoned. Or clover wasn't something you were actually supposed to munch and Aunt Tess hadn't actually ever done it. Speaking of water, actually, when had she last had some?

She tried her best to remember but only came up with a small drink in the morning. _Damn_, she thought. Either her brain was giving up on her and her memory was shot, or she was just really, really thirsty.

It came to her attention that her throat was dry.

_Shut up_, the rest of her body told her throat. _Everybody's suffering here. The walking in the past few days wasn't kind to The Feet, the sleeping-on-the-ground thing is killing The Back, The Stomach would appreciate something to fill it, with The Tongue wanting something that actually tastes decent, and The Brain is not really showing brilliance here. Quit whining._

While she sat there, in the woods, not all too far away from Smartphone Girl, who was incredibly boring to watch, she let her mind wander. Sometimes she wondered if she wasn't being careful enough. She was protected from sight, yes, but only from a certain angle. She still wasn't convinced it was only the blonde hanging out here. Blondie wasn't dressed for this, that was sure. When one finds one has been abducted, one should exercise caution at all times. Wasn't that how it was? So …

_Like I need to be careful. It's not like anything is happening here, anyway. _

But she couldn't leave. That would be the absolutely dumbest thing she could do. She knew she was lost, she had been before stumbling onto this camp here. She didn't know where her precious water source was. All she knew was that there was one stranger here, looking out of place but apparently well stocked on food.

_I wonder if she has water in that bag_, wondered Alexis after awhile.

God, where were the Search and Rescue guys? Where the hell was she, anyway? Why hadn't she seen any airplanes in the sky? How long did she have to keep this survival thing up, anyway? _I want to go home,_ she thought. Oh, home - a warm, fluffy blanket and a soft, clean, inviting mattress … a hot shower, and her tense, sore muscles would relax, and she could finally get all this fucking dirt off, and her hair would be soft again, and the food, all the food that was waiting for her …

Lost in her fantasies, Alexis nearly had a heart attack when she heard branches rustling close to her. Ducking down, she spied over to Smartphone Girl.

Or there where Smartphone Girl was supposed to be.

Because the only thing currently inhabiting The Camp was that dumb girl's bag. Shit. Oh shit shit shit. Why hadn't she noticed? And far more importantly, where the hell had that blasted woman gone?

And then it came to her.

Smartphone Girl really was a member of the enemy camp – and now she was coming to kill her, the girl who had been sitting there, watching her, for hours – oh why the fuck was this happening to her, of all people? She was a good person! She didn't fucking deserve this shit! She didn't want to die!

Sensing the onset of a panic attack, The Brain forced The Lungs to inhale rapidly and repeatedly. Slowly, her breathing settled. All the while, The Eyes watched The Girl move in her direction. _Fuck._

That goddamned kidnapping. Those assholes were going to suffer when she found them!

She wished some rescuers would hurry up and find her already, preferably before Smartphone Chica skewered her. Where the fuck where the police when you actually needed them for freaking once? If any of them gave a shit she would have been out of here ages ago!

And how the hell could somebody be so twisted that they put her here, anyway? Those were fucking psychos! _Damn them all, _she thought angrily. Damn the kidnappers and the woods and the clover-hunting expeditions that had brought her to the Enemy's Camp in the fucking first place.

The blonde girl was thrashing through a bush not 10 feet away from where Alexis was crouched. There! If she could just wiggle her way out from behind her bramble-y bush and out in front of it, she would be protected from sight.

Sort of.

_Beggars can't be choosers, _she thought and then slowly, agonizingly slowly, started to creep out to the side.

Suddenly Alexis stepped on a small branched and a quiet crack could be heard. She, of course, froze, which was probably the stupidest thing to do, because it left her as a sitting duck. So there she sat, waiting for that blonde head to turn her way and those light eyes to see her.

Only Smartphone Girl didn't turn around. First, Alexis was incredibly relieved. She was asking herself why the girl hadn't noticed anything, but then she came to the realization that she was still out in the open and completely visible, upon which she came to the realization that is was fucking time to move. Carefully, she scooted to the back of the thorny plant, staring at Smartphone Girl the whole time, always expecting her to suddenly shoot around and declare that she had known she was being watched the entire time.

Thank God that didn't happen. Then again, this was Smartphone Girl, she didn't notice anything. Actually, now that Alexis knew she hadn't been found and the girl hadn't been coming to kill her, it was likely that Smartphone Girl was going for a piss.

_But what if she's not? _asked Alexis to herself. It wasn't that unlikely; there were normally no random girls in the middle of strange woods, so what made Smartphone Girl an innocent person? Of course, she herself was here, but that was something else. Still, there was no guarantee as to what Blondie was up to, so she should probably follow her.

Not about to leave Smartphone Girl's goodies behind, Alexis quickly scooped the bag up. She tried to remove all traces of Blondie's presence from the camp, if it could be called that. With a little luck, Smartphone Girl would stumble back over to her camp but not recognize it, and then proceed to get lost. If Alexis followed her, she would be able to see the girl's next course of action after she realized she was lost and then determine if the girl was The Enemy or not.

At least it was some sort of a plan. A better one than just sitting there and secretly watching the girl, partially because this one involved stealing Blondie's things.

She would have to be very inconspicuous, though. Smartphone Girl wasn't allowed to notice that she was being followed. Then again, the girl hadn't heard the twig snapping before, had she? But maybe Alexis had imagined the sound. She still wasn't sure she was entirely healthy in the mind.

Well, whatever. She really should be starting to tail the girl now, although she doubted she would ever lose her trail. The blonde girl was easy to spot in the woods, especially because of her blue dress. At least Alexis had a few advantages. _Stay positive, _she reminded herself.

A few minutes later, the girl stopped and crouched down. Alexis pointedly looked at a tree above Smartphone Girl while she did her business, feeling both prudish and like a stalker at the same time. Alexis chose this moment to dig through the bag. There was a thermos in there, and she opened it and sniffed. Iced tea. Grateful for sometime to stop the dryness in her throat, she lifted the thermos to her lips and drank it out entirely. Fuck it, when you were thirsty, you were thirsty. And the stuff didn't taste half bad. Furthermore, once she managed to re-locate the stream slash river she'd be able to fill the thermos with some water. It was a pretty handy thing, this thermos. Why didn't she have one?

_Well, now I do, _she thought with a grin.

The next thing she found was an energy bar. Oh, lordy, did she need that right now. Trying to make as little noise as possible, she tore the wrapper open and downed it in a few easy bites. For a moment, Alexis had considered eating it slowly to really get the taste, but then figured she'd be out of here in a few days at the most, and when she was back in civilization she would be able to buy lots of energy bars and sample _their _tastes. She vowed to do just that when she really was back.

After, of course, sending the kidnappers to prison and giving Aunt Tess a well-deserved hug, because the clover thing had probably saved her life. Again, priorities.

Man, this was turning into a real to-do list here.

Soon enough, Smartphone Girl got up and headed back in Alexis' direction. She shifted back and then stood still, trusting and hoping she wouldn't be noticed.

She wasn't. Damn, she was good. Either that or Smartphone Girl was hideously bad. Oh no – she saw it now. Smartphone Girl had, true to her name, taken her smartphone with her. She was listening to it now. No wonder she didn't notice she was being followed; all she probably heard was her music.

They walked.

And walked.

And walked some more.

Eventually, even Smartphone Girl had to realize she was lost. _Now it gets interesting, _thought Alexis and mentally leaned back with popcorn to watch. Mmm, popcorn. To satisfy her sudden craving for salt, she munched on some chips that were still in Blondie's bag. They tasted incredible.

She felt like she was eating chips while watching a TV show. It was a nice feeling, if a little weird. She figured she really was going insane.

Now, Alexis wasn't sure what she had been expecting from Smartphone Girl upon realizing she had missed the camp, maybe that the girl would start crying or contact her co-baddies, depending on whether she was The Enemy or not. That, however, was most definitely not what happened. What happened was that Smartphone Girl gave her surroundings a good look – making Alexis shrink back even more out of fear of being discovered – before picking a random direction and then _starting to run. _

All Alexis' brain, useless thing that it was, managed to notice was that the girl was thankfully not running towards her. That was good, supposed The Brain. And so Alexis had been standing still there for a few moments before she realized the girl was gone.

_Shit_, she thought. What the hell now? She had to follow the girl, she knew that. Sadly, running was not her thing. And she wasn't really sure in exactly what direction the girl had gone. And the girl had gone fucking fast, and there was really no way Alexis would be able to catch up, so in reality there was really no point in starting in the first place, so-

_Goddamnit! _she cursed in her head, having long ago gotten used to not actually swearing out loud because the woods were so silent and it was creepy to disrupt that. Of course, not hearing any human noises, not even her own voice, was unsettling too, but creepy was worse than unsettling. Unsettling she could deal with pretty easily, but when things got creepy …

With a groan, she started to jog in the direction Smartphone Girl had gone. Her muscles were very much against this idea and protested by feeling especially sore. _Take the fucking pain like a fucking woman, Lexi, _she told herself and picked up the pace.

She stumbled pretty much immediately. Ow. Ow. Ow. Not a good decision, this running thing, she realized, having almost twisted her ankle. Still, she wasn't going to _not follow_. Even if Smartphone Girl was leading her into a trap, ever since Alexis had stumbled upon the only other human being in these goddamned woods, as it seemed, she had known that it would be awfully dumb to lose the girl now.

Which had, of course, happened. The girl was nowhere to be seen.

Weren't things like that damn _great_? For some reason, sarcasm and cynicism seemed to ease her pain a little. Oh, the things a negative outlook could do for you.

God, her ankle hurt. But hey – Smartphone Girl had been running way faster than her, she had probably stumbled over a root or something, too, and so she wouldn't be far. Alexis didn't understand why the hell the girl had ever started running. Or why she herself had followed. Everybody knew you didn't run in woods. It was dumb.

_Like many of the other things I appear to have been doing lately, _she thought to herself and kept on jogging. Eventually, she slowed to a walk, but never stopped. Except for once, to go to the bathroom. Sometimes she munched some of Smartphone Girl's food while walking. She figured it was okay because Smartphone Girl had left it there, and besides, she was Survivor Girl, the one who had already spent a few days in these godforsaken woods. She deserved this treat. And why did she need to justify eating the food anyway? It tasted good and she was hungry. But in order to feel like she was doing something that would help her situation, she constantly picked clover while she walked and stuffed it into the girl's bag. Eventually, the junk food would run out.

Might as well start calling it her own bag now, she mused, seeing as she was filling it with edible weeds and all.

Towards the evening, it was getting painfully clear that Smartphone Girl was gone and not coming back. Well, fine. Alexis had already proved that she could survive on her own. She'd have to go back to the whole water-finding business now, though, and that was incredibly frustrating. She didn't want to go through the ordeal of nearly dying of dehydration again.

_Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, _she thought. It was probably a good idea to look for a place to sleep, then. She was in the middle of clearing twigs away from a tree trunk that looked promising when she heard what she could only classify as a mini-scream.

She froze.

_The kidnappers, _was her first and only actually coherent thought. She needed coverage right fucking now – there. When she considered herself sufficiently hidden, she tried desperately to calm down.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Going to die.

This was not working. On to the next strategy, then: panic. But panic silently, she admonished herself. Wouldn't want to give her location away and all.

Okay. Panic wouldn't get her far, so logical thoughts. Who had done the screaming? It hadn't been her. That left two possibilities: Smartphone Girl and Someone Else. Well, great. She was really getting far here.

_For God's sake, somebody could be hurt!_ she thought and played with the idea of storming out to help the person, whoever they were. Well, maybe a more cautious approach was wise. Okay. That was the plan. Quietly, silently, go try and find the screamer.

_Be a ninja, _she told herself, and with that valuable piece of advice in mind, left her safe little hiding spot.

It took her awhile to ninja her way up to where she thought she had heard the mini-scream. In the meantime, she tried to analyze it. It had been high-pitched, so either a female or some squeaky kid. But it hadn't sounded like a squeaky kid mini-scream, not that she had any real idea what that _did_ sound like.

It was getting darker, which didn't really leave Alexis at an advantage. She was trying to be quiet and like those Asian warriors, and if she fell or twisted her ankle now … Well, the screamer had screamed for a reason, and it might not be one she wanted to get acquainted with.

_Why didn't I just stay in hiding? _she asked herself for the tenth time, and her brain, having decided awhile ago to actually turn on, immediately piped up with the obvious answer: she had to go look at everything. She had never been the type to get all scared and decide not to go looking for the source of the scare. A boyfriend had once told her she always had to poke around in other people's business. It had been shortly before their break-up, and his name had been Richard, but she had called him Ricky.

But he wasn't important right now. The only important person here was the screamer, and, of course, Alexis herself. The rest of the world, well, they weren't here, were they?

Suddenly Alexis pulled up short. Right there, just about 15 feet in front of her was Smartphone Girl. She hadn't noticed her before because it really was getting cold and dark out here now, but holy shit. The girl was bleeding, she had cuts all over her face and arms, and the dress was completely covered in dirt.

The worst thing was that the girl was lying down on the ground with her arms bound. _She was tied up._ Immediately, Alexis searched for the person who had done this, mainly out of worry that she, too, had been discovered and would soon find herself emitting similar mini-screams to the one the girl had been performing earlier.

She saw nobody, and couldn't figure out if that should scare her more or not.

She was rushing over to the girl to untie her when something hit her on the head. She managed to dodge a little bit, though, and pushed down the pain straight from hell in order to try and defend herself. She was Alexis fucking Wilson, if she had to die, she was taking her attacker down with her. Or at least hurting him somehow. Perhaps a scratch ...?

So she whirled around and was awfully surprised to find a fat midget in front of her. But she didn't have time to give him a good look, just quickly rammed her knee up to where it hurt.

And oh God, it hurt. Only for her, not for the short guy who really, as she was inexplicably noticing now, needed to go on a diet. His cholesterol levels were probably sky high. But she had bigger concerns right now. Her head was absolutely killing her, and somehow seemed to be getting worse. She deduced this because her vision was deteriorating, black spots appearing here and there and getting bigger. Did that mean concussion? She didn't watch doctor shows very often. She thought she felt a hit to her upper back, but maybe she was imagining that. Maybe, if she was lucky, this entire ordeal was a dream.

Pain felt real enough though, and so she used her last few seconds of vision to punch the shortie in the face. He made a move to block her, and so she settled for using her other hand to pull hard on his long beard, instead. Oh look, he had a really long beard. She hadn't really noticed that before, not until her body commanded her brain to jank on it.

She knew she was losing consciousness. She knew she was in The Enemy Camp, the real one, this time. She knew things were not looking good.

She hoped the midget lost a few of his beard hairs.

**Can you guess who the midget is? Prove it and send a review over!**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Secrets of Women**

_Remember, I'm still on the lookout for a beta! Just PM me or send over a review if you're interested._

**Disclaimer**: This is a work of fanfiction featuring characters, storylines and places from Lord of the Rings, which belongs to Tolkien, not me. The rights to the movie go to their respective owners. This story exists for entertainment purposes only; I do not profit financially from it in any way.

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"**I ain't got time to bleed." –Jesse Venture, Predator**

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**Chapter 4**

**The Secrets of Axes**

Ah, God, it hurt. Painpainpainpainpain, it was all her brain could register right now. Pain everywhere – but so much of it at the back of her head, pounding at her skull. Fuck, oh fuck, it hurt so _badly. _People were going to fucking _die._

_I … oh my God, I can't … shit, man, I'm going to kill somebody, it hurts, it hurts so much so fucking much. I want to go home. I want to go HOME!_

She knew she had tears running down her cheeks. She felt the wet trails on her face, just like she felt the excruciating pain.

She hated whoever had done this to her. She hated the kidnappers, the fat man, the fucking police for not rescuing her. She hated Smartphone Girl for being there, because if she hadn't been there in her little field, Alexis wouldn't have followed her and would be out by now. She would be home, and safe, and warm and not have a huge fucking wound of the back of her head. She wouldn't be captured and dying.

At least she thought she was dying, if the pain was anything to judge by.

But. The throbbing was diminishing a little, unless she was imagining it, so that was good. _Probably the only good thing about this entire fucking thing_, she thought.

_Shut up, _she chanted at herself in her head. _Enough with the damn self-pity. Get the hell out of here and to safety. You're not some damsel in distress, and it's not like anyone is coming to save you, so quit whining and pick your ass up._

She tried to do exactly that, but something wouldn't let her stand up. Her hands were bound together, she saw suddenly, and then berated herself for not noticing that earlier. How could she miss the fact that she was tied up? Almost automatically, her wrists began twisting and turning, trying to free themselves. They were bound with rope, she could feel it, and it chafed her skin. And it was _tight. _The asshole who had done this had clearly known what he was doing, because there was no way Alexis would be able to free herself. Instead, she focused on flexing her fingers, carefully and one at a time, trying to get the blood circulation back up. Idiot kidnapper had overdone it with the whole "tight and secure" thing.

The pain in the back of her head was slowly, slowly going away, but right there to replace it was a different sort of pain: her thigh stung like hell. Only she couldn't get a look at it, because right now, her eyes were blinded by the sun. Gritting her teeth, she moved her head so she could get a look at her legs. Her jeans were shot to hell – they had already been dirty and sweaty, and now there was a large slash on her right thigh, and a matching slash _in her right thigh_.

The fuckers had cut her! It looked shallow enough, but it was a good 4 inches long. In reality, all it needed was some disinfectant and a large band-aid, it really was only a long scratch, but out in the wilderness? This would be hell.

The coarse fabric of her skinny jeans was rubbing over the wound, and probably what was making the cut sting so badly. But her hands were literally bound; she couldn't do anything to fix it and that agitated her. Attempts to shake her legs and shimmy the hole in her jeans directly over the wound failed miserably.

Giving up, Alexis lifted her head to the skies and immediately regretted it. Goddamn sun, still blinding her.

Wait.

The sun was shining.

That made it daytime … how long had she been asleep for? Had she even been asleep, or just knocked out? Was there a way to tell? She knew that you weren't supposed to be unconscious for hours. But when you had a concussion, and she secretly suspected she had just that, they always woke you up every half hour while you slept to make sure you were okay.

Nobody had done that for her.

That was bad, wasn't it?

Fantastic.

Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.

Well, asked the Rational Part of Her Brain, what had she been expecting? This wasn't a James Bond movie, she couldn't just take a blow to the head and calmly walk away, preferably while uttering a nice one-liner. This was so-called _reality, _and now Survivor Girl had to make an appearance if she didn't want to end up with a bad case of the deads.

Although it was an interesting thought. What would James do if he were here?

What did Bond, James Bond always do just when it looked like the villain was about to finish him off? Obviously, he escaped, only...

Only she couldn't do that. Failure right at Step One. Delightful.

"The girl is awake," said a quiet voice off to the side.

Alexis froze. Fuck. She didn't want a confrontation with Fattie, as she had named the vertically challenged man who had attacked her last night. She wouldn't be able to defend herself against any attacks … what if he hit her? Raped her? Sliced her open with a knife?

God, she was going to kill him. _Unless he kills you first, _she thought angrily.

She could hear footsteps coming her way and started counting them. Desperately, she tried to slow her breathing a little – she didn't want Fattie to see just how scared she was.

_Be James Bond, be James Bond, be James Bond, _she chanted to herself, like a silent mantra. Not that pretending to be a British super-spy would get her anywhere. God, she really was the Bond Girl in this situation, wasn't she? Weak, defenseless … the description fit.

And it pissed her off.

It pissed her off so much that when the footsteps stopped and she looked up at the person in front of her, she did it with a crazy fury in her eyes. There is a certain amount of hatred one is allowed to develop towards one's attacker, and damn, she felt it.

Only this wasn't Fattie.

Fattie's weird friend was tall and _old. _That should have tipped her off already – old men hardly spend their free time kidnapping 22 year olds in random woods, at least not in her opinion.

But she didn't even get a chance to wonder why this fellow was _here_ and not in some little boat fishing, because his age was by far not the strangest thing about him.

He had a crazy beard – all white, all huge. This thing could probably compete with Fattie's beard, and Fattie's beard had been major.

His hair was also white, but killer long. It was kind of nice, actually. Well, it would have been if it hadn't been perched on the top of some old man's head, but still. Alexis could always appreciate nice hair.

Even if it looked incredibly strange on the guy.

He was wearing some sort of gray dress, too, belted at the waist. Oh God, this old dude was running around in something that closely resembled a sack! It would have been hilarious if Alexis wasn't currently tied up and at Sackman's disposal.

Sackman or Cloak-Man, actually, because to match his drab … thing he also wore a long cloak in a slightly more brown and just as boring color. It looked pretty long, and was tied together at Sack-Man's neck with an oversized brooch.

_An oversized brooch shaped like a leaf, in color and everything_, thought Alexis. What the hell _was_ this? Nobody walked around in crap like that, no matter where they lived or what they did for a living. Although she had to admit the brooch was pretty. Kind of tacky, but pretty.

For some reason, the man was holding a large, wooden stick in his hands. Maybe to help him walk, but it reached up to the guy's head, and nobody selected a walking stick that large. Where'd he pick it up, anyway – it looked like an entire branch, but it was straight and had no twigs going out to the side. Only at the top there were some entangled … maybe roots? _Let's just go with roots and be done with it, _decided Alexis and cursed her lack of botanical expertise. This kind of thing was usually a major clue on those crime shows she liked so much.

Her eyes couldn't help but drift to Sackman's arms again. The dress-thing's sleeves were so ridiculously puffy – if it she hadn't spent the past few days stumbling around in the woods she would have taken this entire thing for a joke, but those hidden camera shows wouldn't go so far as to kidnap somebody for laughs and then set them, tied up, in front of an old man who liked to play dress-up.

That was sick.

That was psycho.

That was exactly what Fattie, and Sackman, too, probably, had done.

She wished suddenly that she could swear in Italian. Alexis was pretty convinced that the Italians had thought up a few choice words to be spat in situations like this one – when "asshole" didn't describe somebody anymore.

She decided in that moment that she wouldn't talk to him, no matter what. Not only was it her little way of defying her kidnapper, she also knew that you weren't supposed to talk to the mentally unstable. Or something. Anyway, she would probably only piss him off, and who knew what would happen then?

She gave herself a few moments to ready herself for what was coming. Or, more precisely, since she didn't really know what _was_ coming she simply prepared herself for the fact that something was about to happen and that something might not be very good for her.

Translation: get ready to run.

She figured she could outrun these guys if she really needed to – Fattie was, well, fat, really fat, and Sackman was old. Maybe they knew their way around these woods, but if she started off in a sprint and kept up a high tempo for the first half-mile, they'd have no chance. And then she could figure out how to untie her hands and go back to being normal Survival Girl, not kidnapped Survival Girl. It'd make life easier, that was for sure.

Actually, she could do that right now. Just run off and they'd never catch her. Alexis had toyed with the idea before, but there were two things stopping her.

Firstly, her injuries. She had that cut on her thigh, which might prevent her from running quickly for as long as she wanted, and then her concussion; she could already see herself with a killer headache after sprinting. Also, her hands were tied together and messed up her balance, running like that would be hard. And if she fell, she was screwed.

And secondly, the real reason why she wasn't going anywhere, was Smartphone Girl, who was still asleep not far away. The nanosecond she made her escape there would be no coming back to the Enemy Camp. She would have to run, and run hard, without paying attention to her surroundings. This wasn't a tourist location, there'd be no stopping to look at things. This was life-and-death here, and if Alexis started running right now, she'd be leaving the blonde to the "death" side of things.

Smartphone Girl looked worse off than Alexis herself: she had a lot of small cuts on her arms, probably from the running earlier, and she had been bleeding last night. The fact that she wasn't awake yet was bad, too. Not that Alexis had a single damn clue about things like that.

Not for the first time, she wished she had bothered to learn how to disinfect a wound, make a fire, filter water, navigate using the sun and so on. She always had to guess at how things worked. _It's a wonder I've managed to come this far, _she thought.

She was suddenly jolted back into the present with a shock. Sackman was standing there, staring at her and saying nothing. For how long had she been lost in thought? It really didn't matter now, though, because the strange old man saw that she was paying attention again and selected that moment as the one to make his opening statement.

"My lady, what is your business here?"

His voice matched his appearance, but his words were a little strange. Still, Alexis was determined not to react to what he was saying. She wouldn't talk to him, no matter what. Right now, it was the only rebellion she could afford.

"My lady, what is your business here?" he asked again, this time louder and a bit more imposing.

Alexis greeted him with silence.

"From where do you hail?" came the next question. Great, this was turning into a full-blown interrogation.

Her eyes were stony. She was thirsty, she noted absently.

"What do they call you, my lady?"

_What's with him and his "my lady"? _mused Alexis. Man, she really could use something to drink, but it was unlikely she'd get anything here. Maybe she'd be able to find her little river again when she left his place.

"What is your name?" demanded the old man.

Alexis toyed with the idea of offering an exchange: she'd tell them something and in turn she'd get water. Not only for herself, of course, she really had to take care of Smartphone Girl somehow, and if she wanted to leave here she needed to get both herself and the blonde next to her a little stronger.

"What brings you here?"

But maybe that was a bad idea. Giving the enemy information – she could always feed them lies, of course, but she worried about the things they'd be able to tell about her from what she said. They'd know that she spoke English, and they might be able to detect a slight accent due to the 8 years of her life spent living in Louisiana, but she hadn't been in the South for years now so there was only a trace of southern drawl left.

_You're being unrealistic, _she berated herself. _They won't know anything except for what you tell them, and what you tell them can be a lie._

"Bring me water," she said, her voice sounding freakishly calm. She felt the overwhelming urge to clear her throat after so much time spent not talking, but decided silence was the way to go here. Complete silence.

"What do you say, my lady?" asked the old man, seeming a little surprised that she'd said something after all.

"Bring me water," repeated Alexis, incredibly curious as to how the man would react. She still really had no idea who he was or what he wanted from her, which was nerve-wracking. One tiny false move on her part and she'd be dead.

The man seemed to ponder her request for a moment before turning to the side and addressing somebody she couldn't see. "Do fetch the lady some water, Master Dwarf," he said, before turning back to smile at her.

_Master Dwarf? What the fuck is this?_ she thought. Sure, the other, fatter man had been incredibly short, and maybe he even counted as a dwarf, but Master Dwarf? _This place is twisted, _she decided.

Fattie came forward, then, carrying in his hands something that was definitely not the plastic bottle Alexis had been expecting. It was some sort of bag, actually – water skin, or what were they called? She didn't know.

But he stepped forward with it, letting her get a good look at the multiple axes strapped to his body. Some part of her brain noted that his clothing was just as strange as Sackman's, but she brushed those thoughts off to be considered later.

What mattered right now was that this tiny little dude was an axe murderer.

An axe murderer.

Psychopath with an axe.

Axe-wielding lunatic.

Armed and dangerous axe-owner.

_It really doesn't matter what you call it, _thought Alexis, _truth is, it's fucking terrifying._

Fattie, or Master Dwarf, or The Axe Murderer, or whatever the hell he was really called gave her a weary look before setting the pouch on the ground next to her. How fucking helpful. With her hands tied together, how was she supposed to drink from that thing?

He seemed to realize the same thing because he was now reaching behind her back and removing the rope. It was freaky how quickly he was able to do it; those knots had been tied tightly, as she herself could testify. Still, it was liberating to be free – the first few seconds hurt as her blood started flowing nicely again, but then she was able to pull out her hands and move them and hold them out again and it felt wonderful.

Somewhat less wonderful was the state of her hands, dirty with little streaks of dried blood here and there. Alexis wished she had soap. Oh, what she would do for a shower …

Snapping out of it quickly, she was startled to notice a third man had joined them. _Also here for the party, asshole? _she thought as she gave him a glare. She was angry to see him smile a little at her, and might have exchanged a few words with him if it weren't for the whole silence thing.

The way he was standing there unnerved her – like he was ready to jump out at her if she dared make a move. His presence would be a problem, she decided, when she finally made a run for it; this man was tall and fit, maybe around 30 years old and probably used to moving in the woods.

But he was the first normal person here, although normal might not have been the right word. His hair was cut a little strangely, certain strands almost touched his shoulders, but all of them were dirty and sweaty, making them curl a little.

The entire man seemed like he hadn't seen a shower for three weeks, and his clothing was similar in style to that of the short guy and could have used a wash. _Who am I to judge, though? _thought Alexis, _I can't be much of a hot mess either, no matter how fitting that second word is._

This man's weapon of choice seemed to be the sword strapped to his person, the sword whose hilt he had his right hand on … ready to yank out and seriously hurt somebody with, that somebody being her.

She put aside her escape plans for later.

Much later. Preferably when these folks all went to sleep or something. Only then it'd be night, and she wouldn't be able to see anything … and what if there was a fourth person in their group she had yet to meet?

_I'll think about it later, _she decided and concentrated on the situation at hand. She reached out for the water pouch, opened it and raised it to her lips. The word 'poison' was running through her mind, but she decided that when the person offering you the water was an axe murderer, said person would not do so by poisoning said water.

He would use his fucking axe.

Or Swordguy would use his sword.

Or Sackman would use his … gnarled tree branch?

Oh, what the hell. She started off with a small sip, and the water tasted okay, if a little off. A few bigger gulps later, she set the pouch back down and shut it again.

Okay. The lunatics had fulfilled their part of the unspoken bargain, now she had to answer some of Sackman's questions. Swordguy, she noticed, was watching her with a particular amount of interest as she was about to start.

"My name," she paused before going on, "is Verona Highdaw."

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